260908 – Dream – Maintenance
I am changing the oil on the Mercedes ML 350. The work is routine. I degrease the engine. It worries me that the contamination is washing down the driveway.
I remove the drivers engine to repair a leak. It occurs to me that I do not known the torque specs. So I just twist the wrench. And twist and twist.
After reassembling the engine, I take the car for a test drive.
The wheels come off and go on again.
At the top of a hill sleeps a homeless woman. She sleeps on a bus bench with her back to me. I can see the skin of her lower back where her shirt has ridden up whom she sleeps. It is very pale, like it’s never seen daylight.
Looking past the camper, I see Ng. She is standing and looks lost. Across the street from her is a Carl’s Jr. behind her is an empty field. She is wearing the black and white dress I always liked. It is form fitting and flatters her shape.
It is clear that she it out of place. I drive over to offer her a ride.
“Oh! There you are, I was waiting for you.”
She gets in and we drive away.
what?
The dream begins with maintenance: changing the oil, cleaning the engine, dealing with a leak. It is ordinary work, but even in the routine parts I am thinking about consequences. I degrease the engine, then worry about the contamination washing down the driveway. I am fixing one thing while wondering what damage the fixing itself might cause.
That carries into the repair. I remove the engine to deal with the leak, then realize I do not know the torque specifications. Instead of stopping, checking, or finding the correct information, I just keep tightening. Twist and twist and twist.
That may be one of the clearest images in the dream. When I am unsure whether something is secure, I can compensate by applying more force. I may do that emotionally too. If I do not know the exact amount of pressure a situation requires, I am capable of overcorrecting, overthinking, overworking, or trying to make absolutely certain that nothing comes loose.
Then I reassemble everything and take the car for a test drive. The repair has moved from the garage back into the real world. Whatever I have changed now has to function under actual conditions.
That is when the dream stops being about machinery and becomes about people.
At the top of the hill is a homeless woman asleep on a bus bench. Her back is turned to me, and a strip of very pale skin is exposed where her shirt has ridden up. She is vulnerable without knowing she is being observed. The detail about the skin never having seen daylight makes me think of something hidden, neglected, or protected for so long that exposure itself looks unnatural.
Then I see Ng.
She is not hidden, but she is clearly out of place. She is dressed in something I remember finding beautiful on her, standing between a Carl’s Jr. and an empty field. There is almost nothing around her that fits her. She looks lost, but also recognizable and familiar.
My response to her is completely different from my response to the engine.
I do not diagnose her. I do not repair her. I do not tighten anything. I simply drive over and offer her a ride.
And she says, “Oh! There you are, I was waiting for you.”
That line changes the dream for me. Up to that point, I am the one doing maintenance, checking, repairing, worrying, testing. I am responsible for making things function. But with Ng, I do not have to make anything happen. I only have to arrive.
There may be something in that contrast for me. I spend a lot of energy thinking in terms of fixing, maintaining, preventing failure, and applying the right amount of effort. The dream may be showing me that not everything meaningful is solved that way.
Some things may not need repair.
They may only need recognition.
They may only need me to notice where they are, pull over, and make room.