Dear Diary: StarDate 260802
Oh! What a Lonely Boy
It's been a helluva week. This client project was exactly what they always are: crazy. But, I'm getting them work they want to see and by week's end, we should have happy client and I'll be up 15K. Which is CRITICAL since I traipsed all over Europe for 3 months and spent a 4th in Florida.
In truth, I'd like to take the $$ and just drive into the wilderness. I'm hungry for new horizons again. New adventures.... while I'm busy writing about Europe, all I can do is think about what comes next.
I want to find another roasted chicken lunch on the Seinne, another Shakespeare and company. More naked swimming in Antibes, sleeping over the Picasso museum. Listening to the waves rake over pebble beaches, dodging hawkers in Barcelona, weeping at the top of the world in Switzerland... sleepless walks on Lake Como.
God, i LOVE getting lost in old European towns!!
BUT, today, reality insists I keep grinding.
The wife is in for a week of education! She and her sister will be in class getting reinforced, edified, built up and made better.
Which is good. I know Ng hasn't been the same since her sister and dad died 18 months ago. And I've been a mess since long before that. I definitely don't know how to fix her. Maybe she's getting the tools to fix me!
My heart and mind are both a mess. And I think a big part of it is where I live. Dust Meridian isn't kind to tender souls. It's not welcoming to artists. But then again, I don't know that anyplace really is.
Ironically, art is what keeps me tethered to sanity, however tenuous it may be.
I haven't been listening to a lot of music lately. It's been to hard. But reality is I have to find a way to move forward knowing that she's out there and doing fine. Or at least existing. Well cared for and healing.
I want to tell you all the story. But I'm not there yet. For now, I'll keep opening my heart a little at a time and telling you and me about the way of things in a complicated mind.
Right now I need friends. I need to be reminded that I am valuable and loved. Knowing a thing... ...and feeling a thing... are very different.
12/12/25
From the park of the National Palace in Madrid, Spain
Out for a walk this evening it's 5 PM sun is setting. We are at the What is this? It's the National Palace. kind of swanky up the hill. The garden is gorgeous. Even in wintertime, the grass is bright green. The trees are all amber. The ones that still have leaves. Most of them have carpets of amber under them, but most of the leaves have fallen off. And I am drawing a fountain. It is looks like some Neptune guys with some baskets of fruits on their hand. And, uh, yeah. Let's see. No water, though. Turned off for the winter. Guess that makes sense, so they don't want to freeze. It's very, it's a very winter day, but not unpleasant. It's cold. Cool, but not cold, I guess. Not uncomfortable. You know, that painful cold that comes, I bet you do I'll bet you do. I love the way people's feet crunch on the gravel.. And everyone's so happy, they're all super upbeat. It's funny he doesn't sound the same when I walk on it. Because the sound comes to you is different (reflected) than the sound of others (direct). There are couples and families.
HEY!, there's naked ladies up there. I miss that. God, I miss drawing the naked ladies. I was busy drawing the naked men. That's all right. They have good musculature. All they have these weird fish legs that curl around, like octopus tentacles, which is very interesting to draw and look at. I don't think I'd want to have to ambulate with them.
The rows here are lined with roses, which are all crunchy and faded. Oh, they're damp. You can't hear the birds. The bird, I guess, there's only one. What a pleasant evening.
Our flight was not even full. But we were crammed into two middle seats. On a flight, there were eight rows across. It was a big plane. I was really envying those people in business in first class. But I turned up my music up and managed my little sardine seat. Nine hours, I slept about three and a half. And I couldn't do much writing. I just made notes, like I just was too tired, too stressed.
I'm glad we ended up taking the different flight instead of going to Morocco, though, because I don't know, it was nice to get on a plane and get off. instead of getting on a plane, getting off a plane, get it on a plane, get it off a plane.
Okay. Ooh, this is beautiful, the Palace. The leaves are all yellow and brown. What a great palette. Ah, yeah. Now, THIS is a walk in the park. I've walked into a lot of parks. There is something about European parks that's different. This really puts me in the mind of the last time I was in Rome. in November, let's see, what day is this? December, so pretty close to the same time of year. It was very much like this. Trees, some leaves on the ground, damp and cool, comfortable, just refreshing, relaxing. I feel like if I'd tried a little harder, I could already be on this timetable. But I didn't quite make it, so. I will go to bed tonight. early, and sleep long and hard, and get up tomorrow, early and make a day of it. Ng's ready to get on the road. I think she wants a hotel. I think she's never really been a fan of staying with friends. So we'll probably jet out of Jorge's I think Saturday morning. and get on a train, stop someplace in the middle of Spain. Spend the night in the hotel. Maybe we'll do that Sunday night, too, in Lisbon, and then show up for Rob and Laurie in Porto on Monday like we originally planned. Then again, we could just buy a plane ticket on Saturday and be there in like an hour.
Here she comes. She's looking for me. I'm probably in trouble. I usually am.
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“May your seas be wide enough for wonder, your harbor always waiting, and your light never fail when another soul is searching.” – The Lantern Keeper