hypocritepoet

We were up all night arguing. It was miserable. All day yesterday was miserable. I'm still fighting the lingering depression and a report after meeting Sunday that a Brother may have shot the windshield out of his ex-wife's car (a former sister) after she gave the vehicle to her new lover (also a former JW) really rocked me.

I understand more than most how a heart, broken or otherwise, can cause someone to do the most irrational things imaginable. So a former threat to 'set that car on fire if I ever see anyone else driving it' seems to have manifested in what was, if I had to guess (and I do) a drunken stupor on Thursday night. The alleged shooter is a coward, so one part of me says he'd never confront us when we gather as friends... but see my former comment on hearts to know that anything is possible. 2 Tim 3:1-5 makes this all too real.

We finally drifted off about 4am in a fit of anger. She's still mad and hurt about my betrayal in ways that are manifesting in sad features. We're both angry at our friends for their lack of support and deplorable ignorance on how to handle broken hearts and minds. Hell, the week we buried her sister two men were here like a f*#king inquisition. And my mind makes me feel responsible for every single grain of sand in this existence.

We need intimacy and a vacation. Lots of both. We're losing our collective mind over all of this. I wasn't ready for these tests. Not ready at all.

Come, Lord Jesus.