Lightning & Thunder and Rain, OH! MY!
When did it last rain?
Drought.
There’s a lot of that going around.
Woke up to my wife’s arm draped over me. It’s the little things that get you. We’re not close sleepers. She, very light and easily disturbed (not to mention a hot sleeper) needs her space. So it was a pleasant surprise to wake connected.
Every couple is different. I remember feeling it a scandal that my grandparents had separate bedrooms.
We used to have a guest room and on nights when one of us would sleep in there, not out of distance or anger, but just comfort, I got how it can be a luxury.
Still, I’m not sure I think permanent sep sleeping arrangements is wise.
Anyway. It was nice. The arm.
A few hours later, the storm woke me. Again, surprise.
It’s been SO LONG since we had rain, I had to get up and go out and dance in it. Let the dark drops splash and wash me down. It wasn’t cold rain, just the opposite.
It reminded me of swimming in the ocean in Ghana and being shocked at how warm the West African waters were.
I started thinking about going back. It’s such a long journey. 6h over the Sahara is WILD! I wonder how far I could stretch this latest payday there.
Six months easy. Maybe a year. Would be nice to see Mon and Osie again. Jah? Is it your will? We came back from Europe changed forever. Maybe we should change some more.
It’s funny. We forget what a life altering trip Europe was. But every single person we catch up with wants to hear what it was like to live there traipsing around for 3 months.
It’s so hard to put in words. Being lost in the Black Forest in the middle of the night. Walking pre dawn on the Seinne. The slow rock of the ferry over the English Channel. The sun on the riviera. The absolute cold in the Alps. That window.
It feels like a dream.
And it was. So many things are dreams.
630a I should be asleep. But I sprang awake and the rain started my engine. Radiohead ok computer is playing in my ear. Early mornings should be classical music, but this feels right.
“Let Down”
Transport, motorways and tramlines Starting and then stopping Taking off and landing The emptiest of feelings Disappointed people Clinging onto bottles And when it comes it's so, so disappointing
Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around
Shell smashed, juices flowing Wings twitch, legs are going Don't get sentimental It always ends up drivel
One day I am gonna grow wings A chemical reaction Hysterical and useless Hysterical and
Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around
Let down again Let down again Let down again
You know, you know where you are with You know where you are with Floor collapsing Floating, bouncing back
And one day I am gonna grow wings A chemical reaction (You know where you are) Hysterical and useless (You know where you are) Hysterical and (You know where you are)
Let down and hanging around Crushed like a bug in the ground Let down and hanging around
One day, I’m gonna grow wings.
Had a few conversations with old friends yesterday. Due to my current burnout and period of healing, I’ve been forced to step back from a lot of old responsibilities.
Some I’m happy to, others… less so.
The Bible talks about ‘men at the gates’. They were judges and generally older, wiser men tasked with dispensing advice and the aforementioned judging. The Keeper was a bit of a man at the gates. Fraud, inknow, but It was a point of pride to have carried that feeling, moniker and responsibility.
For the last ten years, I ran the Audio Video department at regional spiritual meetings. Usually groups of a few thousand. It was another dream role. I often couldn’t believe anyone would trust me with that much responsibility. In truth, it was the men and women under me who were doing the real work. My job was just cheerleader and lightening rod.
I loved it.
Yesterday I gave my recommendations on who would make a good replacement. It was both as natural as swimming and one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.
My friends were so kind though. When I connect with deep souls like them, I want to aspire to be a man at the gate. It’s moments like that that really make me question why I live in Dust Meridian.
My local friends… mostly just frustrate me.
At the end of the day, I fielded a few calls about our congregations AV needs. The mixer has been dying for some time and they asked for my advice.
They called from Best Buy. And even as I told them who they needed to consult and what websites and even what SKUs they needed, I was told they were buying a new computer because ‘windows is simpler and will fix the issue’.
The issue is a a failing mixer. And windows is anything but simpler.
It probably doesn’t make sense to read this. But after 20m on the phone I was nearly in a full blown sanity attack.
I realized that the stress of serving here is virtually its own PTSD trigger now. I doubt I’ll ever be able to serve in that role here again. Not unless major changes occur.
They won’t.
The rain is gone. The projected high today: 110° f. That’s not the heat index. That’s the temp.
It was 74° when I was dancing in the rain at 5am. 36° shift in a few hours. Wow.
720 She is up, the glory or our day. Sol, she is a miracle and beautiful. Our tiny star warming us, giving light and life. She is most beautiful early morning an at dusk.
I should have gone out to watch her rise. But I’ve preferred to lay here and talk to myself. pF is lilting to me now. US and them.
Us And Them
Wasn't the right Absolutely in the right Why does anyone do anything? Just tell me I don't know, I was really drunk at the time!
Us (Us, us, us, us, us) and them (Them, them, them, them) And after all, we're only ordinary men
Me (Me, me, me, me, me) and you (You, you, you, you, you) God only knows it's not what we would choose to do (To do, to do, to do)
“Forward!” he cried from the rear And the front rank died The general sat and the lines on the map Moved from side to side
Black (Black, black, black, black) and blue (Blue, blue, blue, blue) And who knows which is which and who is who (Is who, is who, is who, is who)
Up (Up, up, up, up, up) and down (Down, down, down, down) And in the end it's only round and round (round, round, round), and round (round, round, round, round)
“Haven't you heard it's a battle of words?” The poster bearer cried “Listen, son,” said the man with the gun “There's room for you inside”
I mean, they're not gonna kill ya So like, if you give 'em a quick short, sharp, shock They won't do it again Dig it? I mean, he got off lightly 'Cause I would've given him a thrashing I only hit him once! It was only a difference of right and wrong, innit? But really, I mean good manners don't cost nothing, do they, eh?
Down (Down, down, down, down) and out (Out, out, out, out) It can't be helped, but there's a lot of it about
With (With, with, with, with), without And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about? (About, about, about, about?)
Out of the way, it's a busy day I've got things on my mind For want of the price of tea and a slice The old man died
Haven’t you heard? It’s a battle of worlds.
It’s nearly time to make the donuts, I suppose this enough navel-gazing. If you stuck around this far, you deserve a reward, though I gave little to offer but more drippings.
Thank you. I’ll pray for you. Told ask you do the same. For sure, if we’re going to survive these days, we both need it.
Love always,
The former gateman.
The Jerk.
I suddenly want very badly to visit the beach.
I was thinking how when we are in love with life, we want the beach, when we are quiet and contemplative, reaching acceptance, we want the mountains. It is motion vs stasis. Or something like that. It made more sense in my head.
Dedication
Bobs burger
Is the music in you? The music is in me
Can’t unmake the soup.
Not one sparrow
Draw like a child
Sharp knives and passions dance
Discount Shakespeare
Did I love Cara first or Cartoons?
Liberty is the right to breathe
Open up
Naked ladies are big ships
I love conventionnnotes. They are either genius or madness.
Just because we have a bank account doesn’t mean we’re making regular deposits. Fiscal illustrations are hit and miss with the insolvent. Idk why Jehovah keeps my lights on.
Maelstrom of texture
I thought the kids would thrill to fill this up. But they didn’t find it exciting.
But I do want to record it. I’m afraid I’ll forget. I usually do. My wife told a story to an old friend yesterday of which I have no memory. It sounded nice though. 28 years ago at a play in CO.
I happen to be a very good idiot.
Life isn’t the best teacher, but it is the hardest. Some lessons can cannot be learned in reverse. I think my fear is that some lessons are unlearnble. Old dogs being what they are.
I really love this illustration.
Funniest part of this is that when I made the stencil I thought I was making ‘I love you’. My wife immediately knew I’d gotten it wrong.
I love getting mail.
