Oh, god... another funeral
this may be the worst one yet
Mostly because I've spent the week putting together the final video. It's hard losing him, but it's just a wound ripped wide open by the loss of our sister. :–(
I am very in the moment now and the weight is probaby like everyone else who has lost someone they love. But it's not something you can understand until you bear it.
I mean to say, you can understand it, but it is abstract. Theoretical. The rubber meets the road when you are mowed down with the drama, turbulence, and the emotional violence of it all.
I'll leave this posted here for the afternoon... it sort of violates my anonymity desire... but emotion has the better of me. I have a wild heart that is nigh impossible to control. Maybe one day, I'll muzzle that beast. Not today. (edit: I pulled the video now that i have mellowed, and slept some)
Today might be a good day to start drinking again. Tie one on as the idiom goes.
Big crowd. North of 300. Meal after was a big hit. I'm spent. But entertaining as the job requires.
5p— we were surprised by the arrival of two old friends. One a true gem. They were a real bulwark against the dearth of happiness. Having suffered their own losses, it was refreshing to hear words besides, 'I'm sorry' and 'My condolences'. Fine expressions, but they are shorthand for 'I wish I knew you better and we could connect, but I am afraid. Afraid of you, and afraid that you are afraid of me, so lets keep this interchange as short as possible.'
The night was a long one. My SO managed a 4 hour nap... I have tasks until the early morning. I should get to them.
After an old friend kept me company for 3 hours, we parted and one of the friends who surprised us at the memorial called. It wasn’t to comfort, we did plenty of that at the reception. She had questions about cyber-security related to her ex-husband’s stalking her.
Their marriage of more than 3 decades imploded dramatically when he was caught in an undeniable lie and spilled that he’d been wildly adulterous over the course of their entire marriage. This is what makes the stalking so weird— if he wanted out, then by all means go. But, old friend, surely you cannot have your cake and eat it too!?!?
Do or do not, you there is no try.
I think I’ll write about this conversation. It was sometimes wild and sometimes sad. I’m not sure if my friend is imagingin some things, but most certainly, something funky is going on. I’m going to connect her with a friend who is a cyber-security expert. Maybe he can help solve some of the issues.
Once that was done, my wife was rested and we made a midnight run to collect the flowers from where we had the memorial (I have a key) and deliver them to my mother-in-law’s.
For some dumb reason, I had designs on staying up again. For what? Some video editing, updating my sketchbook/journal and of course, about a thousand words.
This is what mates are good for. Asking the question: why?
As an artist, we never do. We feel, like breathing, we just do. Guts and bile and brains and heart spill onto the floor. But she was right. There was nothing that wouldn’t wait. And so slumber finally came after a long, long week. So welcome.
But, morning came all too soon.
Surely I could tell When I sleep tonight A dream will call And raise it's head in majesty Dividing all my energy To the meeting of your love Where from whence it came Like a singer searching for a song I try to reach where you belong As I will be the song for you I will be your servant child No, oh no I cannot be deceived No, oh no There's something That I feel There's something that I feel inside Surely I could tell If you ask me Lord To board the train My life my love would be the same As I could be the one for you In the meeting of your love In the meeting of your love
I had a vivid dream last night. It's been a while since my mind recorded and recollected the experience. Old friends came to me and we traveled. It was a warm and wonderful feeling to be together again. I loved it.
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“May your seas be wide enough for wonder, your harbor always waiting, and your light never fail when another soul is searching.” – The Lantern Keeper