What is it you would like to say?
 Say it, for this is the world’s end.

A poem about death shortly after the anniversary of losing my wife's closest friend.

How could I worry about me?

I am now struck— Struck by how much I loved her, And how through all the years, I never once said, I love you.

I laughed with her. Supped with her. Took her cookies. Listened to her. Suffered next to her. Dreamed of her.

But—like my flesh and blood, I took her for granted— This woman who gathered me in, Through three decades and five, Sometimes as son, Sometimes as brother, Sometimes as a wise one.

—

Now, it's 3:30 a.m., Adrift in the emptiness of a parking lot 
I hear the distant whistle Of a night train crying Through the wind.


The clack-clack-clack Rolling in the dark Carries me back Where these sounds once Wove themselves into her walls.

Vibrations signaling I was trapped— Not in fear, But in refuge Walled from a worried world For just a few minutes more.

How I wish now— I wish I could be trapped one more time, Just for those moments. Not long— Just long enough to say:

Thank you.

I love you.

#poetry #death #confession #storytelling #write #100daystooffload

2025-04-26 09:39:17

You’re covering me
 with cat hair.
 My fine Sunday suit,
 for the Lord.


You know this.
 You must know this. It gives you, no doubt 
evil glee.

But you don’t care,
 You’re purring,
 stretching, scratching
 at my pants —


getting all the joy and comfort 
you can stand. Now that you’ve learned 
to sit here beside me.


As an evil cat should. No doubt, I’ll need an evil 
lint brush.

After all, What evil genius Is complete Without his cat.

#poetry #cat #storytelling #write

2025-04-27 09:56:32

Long poems are easy to write, hard to read.

Short poems are easy to read, hard to write.

Which is better Depends on which you are.

Writer, or Reader.

Lover, or Loved.

#poetry #storytelling #write #100daystooffload

Orig Pub: 2025-04-27 12:26:52

https://hypocritepoet.ghost.io/writers-paradox/

Don't give up

I wish they could know how much they are missed. The people who come into our lives and set our minds and hearts on fire. When they leave, the absence isn't just disorienting. It's debilitating.

Especially in the low moments.

But do not give up. The sun will rise tomorrow and the day will smile. They are with you in your heart. What more can you ask?

#confession #memoir #osxs #100DaysToOffload #write

Discuss...

Dishonest scales are detestable to Jehovah, But an accurate weight brings pleasure to him.

2 When presumptuousness comes, dishonor will follow, But wisdom is with the modest ones.

3 The integrity of the upright is what guides them, But the deviousness of the treacherous will destroy them.

4 Wealth will be of no benefit on the day of fury, But righteousness is what will rescue from death.

5 The righteousness of the blameless one makes his path straight, But the wicked one will fall because of his own wickedness.

6 The righteousness of the upright will rescue them, But the treacherous will be caught by their own desires.

7 When a wicked man dies, his hope perishes; And expectations based on his power also perish.

8 The righteous one is rescued from distress, And the wicked one takes his place.

9 By his mouth the apostate brings his neighbor to ruin, But by knowledge the righteous are rescued.

10 The goodness of the righteous makes a city rejoice, And when the wicked perish, there is a joyful cry.

11 Because of the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, But the mouth of the wicked tears it down.

12 Whoever is lacking good sense shows contempt for his neighbor, But the man of true discernment remains silent.

13 A slanderer goes about revealing confidential talk, But the trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

14 When there is no skillful direction, the people fall, But there is success through many advisers.

15 Whoever guarantees a loan for a stranger is sure to fare badly, But whoever avoids shaking hands in a pledge will be secure.

16 A gracious woman acquires glory, But ruthless men seize riches.

17 A kind man benefits himself, But the cruel person brings trouble on himself.

18 The wicked one earns deceptive wages, But the one who sows righteousness receives a true reward.

19 The one standing firmly for righteousness is in line for life, But the one chasing after evil is in line for death.

20 Those crooked at heart are detestable to Jehovah, But those whose way is blameless bring pleasure to him.

21 Be assured of this: An evil person will not go unpunished, But the children of the righteous will escape.

22 Like a gold ring in the snout of a pig Is a beautiful woman who rejects good sense.

23 The desire of the righteous leads to good, But what the wicked hope for leads to fury.

24 One gives generously and ends up with more; Another withholds what should be given, but he comes to poverty.

25 The generous person will prosper, And whoever refreshes others will himself be refreshed.

26 The people will curse the one who withholds grain, But they will bless the one who sells it.

27 The one who diligently seeks to do good seeks favor, But the one searching for bad—that is what will surely come upon him.

28 The one trusting in his riches will fall, But the righteous will flourish like the foliage.

29 Anyone who brings trouble on his household will inherit the wind, And the fool will be a servant to the wisehearted one.

30 The fruitage of the righteous one is a tree of life, And the one who wins souls is wise.

31 If, indeed, the righteous one on earth is rewarded, How much more the wicked one and the sinner!

#write #100daystooffload #biblereading

I have shaved today. Having grown my first beard, I have now shaved my first beard.

It has been six months or seven months, since I decided to see what it looked like to be an old man.

I will admit to feeling wiser, though growing dimmer each day. And Garnering an air of—dare I say... dignity?

In my imagination, when I started the beard, my face was youthful and full, buoyant. I thought the beard made me look old, stern, serious— but now that I have shaved it and my face is revealed again, I see weathering in the mirror that I do not recall. Peaks and valleys when I smile like the topo maps I so dearly love.

No gray hair, but the weight of time beginning to pull at once full cheeks.

I will watch in the coming days to see if my smile was only hidden beneath the bush, or if it too is gone.

#poetry #confession #storytelling #write #100daystooffload

Discuss...

Look! These are just the fringes of his ways; Only a faint whisper has been heard of him!

Last night, as we crossed the threshold of dusk, a thunderhead rose— thirty thousand feet of sky-clad majesty, a colossus of cloud and light.

So vast, its motion looked still. It waited. A sentinel of vapor, crowned in flashes of unseen fire, looming above our journey like a god unspoken.

The world bent beneath its gaze— mountains bowed, cities dimmed, our destination cowered in its shadow.

Weight—more than all elephants ever conceived by earth— a Kilimanjaro of pachyderms, silent and unshakeable.

And yet, this was merely an afterthought— a side-glance of the Maker, Jehovah, whose breath begets fractals, whose fingers write tessellations in lightning and chemistry, in the tongue of physics and fire.

Who are we— dustlings in chariots of steel— that He should remember us?

#poetry #travel #storytelling #write #100daystooffload

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A reflection on loyalty

Proverbs 5: 23 He will die for lack of discipline And go astray because of his excessive foolishness.

It’s fascinating—and often unsettling—to explore our own weaknesses. It is possible to be aware of something lacking in our moral code, yet we are such good liars, we can convince ourselves that it isn't a big deal. That we have it under control. Whatever it is only happens to other people. But it strikes me now how much that sounds like the reasoning of an addict.

In Proverbs chapter 5 Solomon was speaking about morality—specifically, on not being led astray and remaining faithful to the vows of marriage. Ironic, considering the downfall he would later face. But our own moral code is just as defective as the writer’s and we too can and do face consequences for not being loyal and faithful to our mates. In fact, the struggle is greater than ever.

Everywhere we turn there is constant messaging to pursue our own happiness by any means necessary. Except through hard work.

How rare it is to see a book or television show, movie—anything really—portraying beauty and passion that comes from hammering through a troubled marriage. Or mending a strained relationship with a child or a friend.

A few days ago I watched a video of a craftsman making a saxophone. He began with a 12x18 in (300x500mm) sheet of brass. It was a dull yellow, flat and unremarkable. As he proceeded, he beat the sheet into a tapered tube, then pinched and folded the seam before welding it. It was rough and ugly.

Once he had a passable tube the size of a milk jug, he put it on an anvil and started hammering it—leaving deep divots. Visually it just got worse and worse. At this point I still had no idea what he was doing. It seemed that neither did he.

Until he started pressing the walls of the tube through an english wheel.

This tool uses tremendous pressure to smooth and shape the metal. It is a slow, meticulous process but has the effect of crafting the once flat sheet into a refined and graceful item.

After a little time, the once hammered and rough texture was gone. The weld—so hideous—had disappeared.

The dull and scratched surface was addressed after a few minutes on a polishing wheel. Introduced was the incredible bright gold finish we associate with the wind instruments. It was a work of art.

After repeating the process 4 more times, he had the components to assemble the full body of the saxophone. Then he welded, rolled and polished them onto a final instrument.

It was a difficult, labor-intensive process and absolutely fascinating to watch. How much more so must be the relationships of our lives. Our siblings, parents, mates, children and friends. We are all in various stages of forging what we hope are masterpieces. If only we don't stop when we get to the hard stages, the ugly parts.

This is where discipline comes in. We do the work because that is how masterpieces are forged. They do not just happen. There are no storybook 'happily-ever-afters,' there are only 'because-I-make-it-work's. Maybe we should rewrite all those classics and change that last line to: ‘and they kept working at it and working at it all their days’.

That’s what a real prince does. What a true leader does.

The easy path is the one that flows like water, that carries us away and consumes us in a raging torrent of dopamine and epinephrine. Romantically, we call it passion. I expect one day to understand why a stranger can set us on fire while we struggle to find even a spark with the soul that we have been laboring for decades to love. But foolishness is why old men die with young boy faces.

Earlier in Proverbs chapter 5, Solomon points out that we cannot rake fire into our chest and not get burned. Which is a fantastic point. You don't have to understand the consequences of foolishness to suffer them. Do right because it’s right, no matter what you feel. Feelings lie—that’s how we ended up here in the first place.

Trust logic. Trust the standard of right and wrong. Trust love.

This is wisdom and how masterpieces are made.

Daniel 10:19 Then he said: “Do not be afraid, O very precious man. May you have peace. Be strong, yes, be strong.” As he spoke with me I was strengthened and I said: “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.”

Discuss...

#essay #memoir #confession #write #100daystooffload

I was raised in a house full of women (a mother and two younger sisters) with a father who was raised in a house without a father (my own grandfather having died when my own dad was nine). Though my father did have 3 brothers… the absence of that constant father figure meant that he was emotionally unequipped to teach his son how to ‘son’.

Meanwhile, my mother’s father was a drunk his entire life, leaving the two of us (my mother and I) with no connective tissue and me with a sense that I was little more than a bother to his life as he went about his days with me underfoot (when and if given the chance to do even that).

And my uncles treated me with derision on the best of days. My paternal uncles simply were busy with their own lives and families, while my single maternal uncle was a cruel and inconsiderate bastard that I am not in the least bit sorry to not be in each others lives. My only emotion at his death was for my mother’s loss.

So: 1. No grandfather figure or positive role 2. Father, though wonderful, was emotionally absent 3. Uncles with either no significant influence or a negative impact 4. ALL of my positive role models during my developmental years were women

No wonder I relate so easily and quickly to women, but see men not as souls to be trusted and loved, but task masters whose only real motivator is to hand me a shovel and point me were to dig.

How must this effect my relationship with the Creator, who, while existing beyond the roles of man and woman, is at least personified as a male father. Do I frame him as having the qualities in a woman that I esteem so highly while also respecting him in the sense of a male head?

#essay #inspiration #motivation #memoir #write #100daystooffload

the best times never last forever

One day, you’ll do it for the last time. You will eat favorite food, or look up at the stars with friends—or gaze into their eyes, say ‘I love you, be careful out there…’. But we never know when that will be.

We think we’ll have some idea… but most of the time we do not. We see them and they smile at us, or dismissively throw a quick farewell wave; share some joke or smell a flower... or get goosebumps— and that will unknowingly be the final experience before we, or they, are gone.

Therefore, do everything with love and passion... for love and passion. This is not 'fear of missing out', or 'you only live once'. This is pragmatism. This is basking in the glory of existence for the sake of its wonder. This is soaking up and dispensing love.

Walk. Run. Dance. Sing. Do it in your living room, do it in the rain. Do it clothed, do it naked (though maybe not that in public), but do it. Breath.

Bask in existence. Take care of yourself and you'll take care of those who you love.

Use the whole buffalo, every day.

#essay #inspiration #motivation #memoir #write #100daystooffload

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